Ending narcissistic abuse starts with KNOWLEDGE. Things Narcissist Enablers Say to You: The Hazing Ritual
Number 1: The enabler will say the narcissist had a tough back story. This lets them off the hook and excuses the behavior, toxic words, or toxic actions.
Number 2: The narcissist says something mean, dismissive or unkind. The narcissist enabler will say “they didn’t mean it.” The enabler gaslights you saying “they didn’t mean it” or “they didn’t mean it the way you think they meant it”
- Trauma Bonding
- Wanting to Maintain the Status Quo
- Cognitive Dissonance
Number 3: “Well I never had a problem with them.” This is a classic invalidating statement. They don’t have trouble with them because they enabled them, emboldened them, ignored them, provided validation and supply, or they are just like them.
Number 4: “It will get better, just be patient.” Be Patient = Maintain the Status Quo. Practice, Cultural or Selfish reasons for this. Suffer long enough and it will all work out.
Number 5: “It’s not that bad.” Minimization is a form of invalidation and gaslighting. It challenges and confuses your reality. It doubles down on the self-doubt that characterizes narcissistic abuse. Captures the long-term hazing relationship.
Number 6: “Stop complaining they work really hard they take care of stuff.” “Who cares what they say because they put a roof over your head.” It is as though providing material comfort is a get out of jail card for emotional abuse.
Enablers enable for a range of reasons: maintain the status quo, losing some benefit from the narcissist, trauma bonding with the narcissist, in some cases they can be co-dependent or narcissists themselves, that is why they can’t see it.
Reasons people get stuck in narcissistic relationships Fear, Hope, Guilt but we can not minimize the impact of enablers.
Society at large is also responsible for enabling narcissists. We revere them, applaud them, cheer them on, watch their lives with baited breath.
Narcissists exist in systems. They are not solo players. They are kept in place because no-one wants to call them out. They are kept in place because enablers enable them.
Detoxify your life. Set boundaries, disengage from the narcissist and their enablers.
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